last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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