So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
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That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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