id be glad to
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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