I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
