Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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