Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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