It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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