Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Is Oprah even human
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
