Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
