you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
