I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
