Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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