I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
