I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
