look no pants
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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