I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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