i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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