At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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