Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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