I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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