didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
