So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
