bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
