bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
