the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
