we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
