im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You did what with his pubic hair?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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