It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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