Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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