There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Randomize
