plz talk dirty to me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
