We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
