Your mouth is God's brothel.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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