your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
