Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
