You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
