is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize