Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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