I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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