I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
