At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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