$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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