You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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