He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
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We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.