we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
