giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I understand Curling. That high.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?