PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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