You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
