You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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