Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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