somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
