I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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