If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
