Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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