dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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