On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
