I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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