I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
