i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
