He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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