i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
