it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
