Porn is love you can see.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He felt like a one man threesome
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
