Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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