if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
