Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
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Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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