her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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