A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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