I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize