we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
