ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
