i think i have two assholes
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
