Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
