I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
