You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
