Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
