Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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