I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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