Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
