It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
