So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
