I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
